Friday, 27 September 2013

Update No.2 1/10th of the man

Currently watching- Doctor who season 3
So, another update! I think I mentioned in the last update that I wouldn't be doing this on a set time scale, just whenever I can be bothered/ I feel as if i've hit a personal goal. So Wednesday I weighed in a 21st 1lbs, a current loss of 2st 12lbs since I started this. Since day 1, I've lost over 10% of my body weight, quite literally making me 1/10th of the man I was 2 months ago. Scary stuff if i'm honest with you. 

That's loss graph no.2, hitting my club 10 for slimming world! Those of you who are following my progress will notice i've changed my target weight (Purple line) up from 18st. I'm currently in a bit of a race with a few guys from work, they aim to gain 1st 7lbs by 21st October and I aim to lose it. So, my goal by the 21st Oct is 20st 2lbs, A massive task (Considering I still have 1st 1lb to go) but i'm set on doing it! 
Slimming world itself is going great! I've fallen in love with stir frys as of late, 7-9 syns for a stir fry sauce mixed in with chicken, rice and veg has been the stable of my diet for the past few weeks now. I've won slimmer of the week 3 times and slimmer of the month twice since being at group!

Anyway, some face/ body shots are shown below, I can't really see the difference but alas here you are!

***Since writing this I hit 3stone! =D***

Thursday, 5 September 2013

Update no.1 05/09/2013

Now listening- Megadeth Greatest hits

So, an update! I'll admit I'm dreadful at this sort of thing, I must have started this a million times already but those of you who know me, know my attention span is piss poor. If you wave something that is shiny and jingles in front of me you've lost me.
Yeah, something like that

Things are going rather well I think. I'm currently weighing in a 2st 3lbs lighter than when I started this process. Currently weighing in at 21st 9lbs as opposed to 23st 13lbs. I'm averaging about 6lbs a week give or take which is astonishing progress. I still can't believe it's actually happening considering what I'm eating. I've only really changed a few things about my diet and it seems to be working amazingly. 
 My graph, the red line is my current progress, blue line is predicted, green line is my 10% body weight loss and purple line is my personal target

I'm starting to notice things are fitting differently than before. I have to constantly wear a belt as my jeans keep falling down, majority of my jeans are a 48R waist and I seem to have acres of room in them. I have to literally fold the jeans to stop them from jetting out of the belt line. I still can't fit into my New-Zealand rugby shirt which is a bummer but it's fitting better which is a start. I can actually get the thing on which is more than I can say a few months ago.

I've also noticed I don't need to constantly drink pints and pints of water to keep myself going, thus reducing how much I sweat. Don't get me wrong I still do at work and when I'm stressed etc but it's not half as bad as I was. Anxiety has cut back massively so, I've only really had one anxious attack in the last month in comparison to the several a day I used to get. It was a vicious circle of I'd get hot, start sweating, become conscious of this, sweat more, etc etc. 

I appear to be coming out of my depressive cycle too, I had some truly dark thoughts prior to this process, crippling in some respects. I tore myself apart about my daily rutine, finding it difficult to relax in any shape or form. I appear happier than before now, everybody who I've spoken to on the phone says I sound happier and less drained than before, if other people are starting to notice I guess it's true eh? 

Drinking and smoking wise, I've had one drink (A Jagerbomb at work) in the last month. I had a few drags off of a cigarette the other day after a particularily ballache of a day and felt disgusted, it made me feel ill. Doubt I'll be doing that again anytime soon.

I'll leave it with a quick progress photo, just as a point of reference to how i'm doing.

Christ knows, 24st+? I didn't actually weigh myself at this point so i'm guessing

23st 13lbs body shot
23st 13lbs face shot

21st 9lbs- Same shirt as is picture no.1, now fitting correctly and loosely. I used to have to hold the shirt together with safety pins to contain my stomach.

 21st 9lbs, face shot

Monday, 12 August 2013

Referencing an article

Currently listening to- Black Dahlia Murder- Nocturnal
I came accross an article about 'friend-zoning' which as a subject I have no real care or links to (Given recent circumstances i'm much happier being on my own!) but there was a couple of paragraphs about being a 'nice guy' and always having an alteria motive. It really hit home actually; I realised I was seriously like this over the last few years.
Here's the section I copied from the article (Full link and reference at the bottom of this post).
"After years of bitterness and jealousy, it dawned on me that I spent more time indulging my own sense of injustice than I did actually thinking about what I could do to be nice to people, women included. In the end my acts of ‘generosity’ ended up being conceited attempts to attract women. I wasn’t really thinking about them or what would make them happy. Rather, I was looking for ways to make them think I was a suitable and attractive partner. It was then that I realised that maybe I wasn’t a ‘nice guy’ after all.

Genuinely nice guys don’t label themselves as such. Instead, they are just kind and sensitive toward others without hope or agenda, just because they want to be. ‘Nice guys’ (in inverted commas) tend to have selfish ulterior motives, and if you’re only nice to people if you think you’ll get something in return, then maybe you’re not as nice as you think you are"

Sunday, 11 August 2013

Operation reset- a summary

Now watching- Dexter Season 1 episode 2
So, here's a summary of operation reset, what I'm doing to sort my life out, step by step:
1- Weight loss
  • Join the slimming world diet
  • Regardless of being offered up to 20 syns I will only be having a complete maximum of 15 (the recommended amount).
  • Get a pedometer again (Something about these little things gets me rather excited when I reach my daily goal)
  • Watch weight loss inspiration videos daily.
  • Cut down on drinking.
2- Re-invigorate brain 
  • Start practising bass at least 30 mins a day.
  • Find a new subject to study via the M.I.T open source website.
3- Mental well being
  • Meditate at least a few times a week.
  • Sleep hypnosis for dealing with anxiety and stress
  • Possibly seek counselling through the Doctors or another source?
4- Clear debt 
  • Reduce overdraft limit to £1000.
  • Research Natwest graduate loan to clear the high interest debt
 5-Learn to drive
6- New career
  • Finish Linkedin
  • Apply for at least 5 jobs a day
  • Finish CV
  • Finish covering letter

Saturday, 10 August 2013

Shocked at myself

 Now watching- Doctor Who Season 6

Today I did something I thought i'd never do. I'm normally a very forgiving person, letting people walk over me no matter what they have done in the past.Today I didn't let that happen. Somebody I never, ever want to hear from again, the things they put me through cannot be forgiven. In some respects I could thank them, what they did pushed me over the edge to start this whole new healing process. Swings and round-abouts aye?

I ended up blocking her number, blocking her off of Facebook and all out banishing her from me life. I can honestly say even looking at pictures of her makes me sick to the stomach. After I had {alledgely) done all of those horrible things to you, why on Earth would you dare message me in a friendly manner? 


Anyway, I needed a rant, I apologise.This didn't plan to use this blog as a venting point. I'm not one of these people that likes to air my dirty laundry in public so i'll cut things short here. I almost slipped up on the whole dieting front today. Popped down to the local corner shop on the way back to work and almost bought an energy drink to help get me through the night (Currently running on 4 hours kip!). I had to argue with myself and luckily 'no' came to win. 

Also alongside the weight loss I have also given up smoking and cutting down on my drinking. I haven't craved a cigarette all week until now, work was a touch stressful to say the least. I love my new job, the people I work with are fantastic, just generally had a long day that's all, I didn't give in though!. I was offered a few drinks from customers at work today and you'll be happy to hear I didn't take them, I settled with a diet coke instead.

I did however have one of these (See below) when I got in: which was surprisingly tasty for a 0.5% lager. Sainsbury's own low alcohol lager, I'd really recommend it to any slimmers out there who want to be able to have a drink but not have the extra calories on top. This only counts as 1 syn which is great! Rather crisp and refreshing too ^^ Especially after a long day at work. Not to mention (If I remember correctly) only costs £1.20ish a 500ml bottle!
Man points lost.
Anyway, I'll cut to the chase I had a cheeky weigh in this evening when I got in from work. Happy to say i'm at 23st 2lbs, a total loss of 11lbs since Monday. This was after eating a big bowl of pasta during the day as well as drinking a fair old bit of water at work. So slimming world is clearly working! Two more pounds and I've dropped my first stone! 

Friday, 9 August 2013

And here we go.

Currently listening to- Ayreon- Human equation

So howdy! 
I've been putting off doing a blog for many years now, I've always liked the idea of sharing with people my thoughts and feelings on given subjects but something inspired me to start up properly today. Perhaps it was laziness, denial of putting what's on my mind to (sort of) paper and acknowledging what was going on my head.

Anyway, here goes!
Those of you that don't know me, I'm Rob, 23 year old uni graduate still looking for that ideal graduate job and lifestyle. I recently moved from Portsmouth to Southbourne, Dorset in the attempt to start a new life, something fresh, reset to a life worth living again if will. This blog will be following primarily my weight loss, something which has been the bane of life. I came here and moved in with a family who are currently on the slimming world diet. Inspired by seeing several friends doing something I so craved has only inspired me to start. 

So, a little background history through the means of photographs etc.

I've always been a 'big guy' per say, and I've always suffered with my weight. I went through the ritualistic bullying at school (If people insult me nowadays I normally ask to hear an original insult as I doubt there's one I haven't heard). Year 11 of school I decided enough was enough, I was set on losing weight. And granted I did, I went from 21st to 18st and felt great. However, I did this at a cost. I used dieting tablets, something which worked fantastically. (for love nor money can I remember what they were called) but they worked. I ate nothing but pasta and mince every single day for near enough a year. And don't get me wrong, it worked (see below picture) but it didn't teach me anything. 

Download 2007 at my smallest (and longest!)

So school finished and I spent a year working at an amazing bar in Reading town centre (I would love to use names but my last fiasco regarding talking about work on line got me in a lot of trouble so I think I'll avoid it now!). I was working nights, had a fantastic social life, amazing friends, girlfriend, was going to gigs regularly and just loving life. I was living a comfortable life and the weight started to come back. My partner at the time was noticing this, she was hinting throughout the relationship that I needed to lose weight (well more subtle than that) but me being a typical 19 year old I thought I was superhuman and ignored her (stupidly).
Prior to university I reached a fair old size without noticing it, me and my partner eventually broke up, which at the time I held a lot of resentment for. I left Reading hating the town, hating everybody in it and thinking Portsmouth was some miracle place. Looking back I realised how stupid I was, I alienated a lot of people in my life, some people who I loved and now I can never speak to again because of my arrogance. I spent the next three years blaming my ex partner for all of my screw ups which followed, in my head she was the cause for being me. Looking back now, being a little bit older and wiser I realise how stupid I was. So if you're reading (you know who you are), I am sorry, I was young and stupid and no way to behave the way I did. 

Anyway, university came round. My first year of university was by far my favourite. I was somewhere new, trying new things etc etc. My weight gain started here. I was living in catered accommodation which was essentially chips, pizza etc every single night. I originally went there with the goal of losing weight but ended up gaining more. The picture below shows me halfway through first year at work on New years. You can see the gain in a few years. 

 New years 2009, a significant weight gain in such a short time

So yes, things continued this way for a while. Second year of university came around. I become more and more recluse, depressed and hateful of the world. I began to hate myself manifested over the course of the year. At this point I was smoking an awful lot of pot, something I never wanted to see myself do. Having seen the majority of my family die from drugs I was as clean edge as you could come prior to university. But like I said, I was on a self destruction path after breaking up with my partner and I thought I was 'cool'. This had a severe impact upon my degree. I would turn up to lectures stoned and or drunk. I stopped going in all together after a while. How I wasn't kicked out of uni is beyond me but I managed to scrape through with barely a pass. It got to a point where I would spend three days solid smoking, not moving from the lounge and eating absolute crap on repeat. I couldn't walk around the corner (Literally 30 seconds) without my legs hurting, being out of breath and sweating horribly. I was a mess to be honest. Pictured below is possibly me at my worst, I hated myself and was heavily depressed. 

About a year between these photos but you get the idea. Things got stupidly out of hand

I started to become arrogaunt and rude towards any and everybody. My temper flared constantly, I a horrible person. So to all of the people here I can only apologise for my horridness. I was in a very dark place at the time.

So I graduated, I ended up becoming an assistant manager of a pub in Southsea which only kick-started the year from hell. Things eventually went tits up there and I told them were to stick their job and moved out of the site back into the house I was living in previously. I ended up moving to another bar as a bartender in North Portsmouth (once again no names) with the eventual goal to leave and find a graduate job. I spent a year at this job, I hated it. The atmosphere was very negative, don't get me wrong I've met some lovely people working there, people I'll stay friends with for a long time, but just something in me personally didn't click very well. It's not necessarily a bad place to work don't get me wrong I was just incredibly uphappy working there. 

I fell into depression over the last year, I have a history of self harm from my teenage years, something I went years without doing. I actually did it for the first time in a long time this year. Something I vowed never to do again. I was desperate and miserable for a change. I'd wake up everyday and question my existence, wondering what the point in trying is. I finally acknowledged it was time for a change after I slipped a disk in my back in March. I was moving boxes around the bottle store and I stupidly picked up a box the wrong way (didn't bend my knees) and my back just slipped out. 

 You sly bastard.

This no doubt was no helped by my weight at the time, I ended up having 4 weeks off of work which I gained more weight due to having to stay still all that time. I ended up getting very good at Halo 4 in that time which I suppose is a silver lining (It's not), but I continued to gain.

False smile, something I got pretty good at other the course of that year. 

I've lost a little bit of weight since this picture, having dropped from a 48inch waist to a 46inch, not an awful lot but it was a start. 

I was lucky enough to have been offered a scape goat, a friend from university offered me a room in with her family who were on the slimming world diet something I knew worked as I have seen a couple of friends do it to amazing results. I moved down here on Thursday 1st August, had a hectic weekend of drinking, smoking and eating crap (as a method of saying goodbye to that lifestyle) and as of Monday 5th August I started again. I named this process 'Operation reset' Christ knows why it just felt right. I'm using this blog as a method of collecting my thoughts throughout this process, I also noticed there was a distinct lack of male role models in the weight loss world and thought in some vain attempt that it could be inspirational to other men. We'll see, but here goes nothing, this is the next step in my life journey and I'm happy to share with you it. 

Finally, here's a picture of me now (well last week) prior to leaving Portsmouth as a reference of what I started with. Here we go. 

I will say this, my weight at the beginning of this week (5th) was at 23st 13lbs. As of Friday (9th) I'm at 23st 5lbs, 8lb weight loss in 5 days is pretty good eh?